Two months in - what an absolute blur!
My idea of what motherhood would be like and the reality are very, very different.
When I was pregnant and trying to picture my life in just a few months time, it was of me spending my days just blissfully in love with my baby, catching up with friends for coffees and lunches, design work whilst he napped and just being a complete lady of leisure for a year.
This fantasy quickly came crashing down the moment Felix was born.
It turns out that no matter if you fed your baby 3 seconds ago or 3 hours ago if your food is in front of you, they will cry and demand to either be fed or held. Goodbye lunch dates with friends (well the relaxing ones I'd fantasised about anyway).
Baby naps are also not these magical 2-3 hours chunks of time where you put the baby down and they just sleep whilst you can smash out housework, design work, etc. The reality is that you will feed them, change them, get them to sleep and put them down for their nap. And then they will wake up instantly and cry. You will then resettle them, put them down and they will wake again. This will happen on repeat until you give up and resign yourself to the fact that they will sleep in your arms for the rest of your life.
There are so many random things that I have learnt in the last two months that no one told me about, so I figured I would list a few so you don't have to figure these things out for yourself.
1. You and your partner will bicker!
It's not that you don't love each other and it definitely isn't a reflection on your relationship! It's the reality that your lives have just been absolutely changed forever, you are both trying to figure it all out and pair that with very little sleep, a crying baby and a lack of understanding of what your partner is thinking and feeling amongst it all.
The aim isn't to avoid the bickering because it is inevitable, it is to just understand that it is completely normal and a blimp in time that will quickly pass as you settle more and more into your new role as a parent.
2. Trust your instincts and be proactive (people did tell me this but it's important to reiterate)
As some of you may be aware from reading previous blog posts, Felix has been having some belly and weight gain issues. I initially raised this with my doctors in the very early days and constantly told my doctors that Felix had developed mucousy poos that smelt like vinegar and each time I was told that mucousy poo can be normal and his weight was fine as long as he was still gaining weight, irrespective of the number on the scales.
This is how the conversation went at all of my check-ups up until last week when my doctor decided to look into the matter further, make some diet changes and reevaluate the situation in a fortnights time.
I think that doctors are so quick to dismiss your concerns as a first-time parent and just assume that you are being overly anxious (which probably is the case from time to time) but if you feel that something isn't right, then chances are you are correct.
Because doctors are quick to dismiss, I also recommend being proactive in your research and addressing any concerns. For example, I have forever been researching what a vinegar scent means, how much mucous is too much, what may be causing his slow weight gain and have also booked in to see a Lactation Consultant to assess Felix for any mouth ties and to watch one of his feeds to ensure that there is nothing that I am missing on that front.
3. Everyday is the same but so different
It honestly feels like groundhog day where every day is the same and it is very easy to go insane with it! But it is important to pay attention to the little things and be grateful for them, especially in the early days when the baby isn't giving you much for all of the love and hard work you're pouring into them.
Acknowledge that each day they are that little bit more engaged and alert, new things catch their eye, one day they wake up and can all of a sudden smile or pull out their dummy. It's truly incredible when you tune into it.
It's also so important to change things up, get out of the house and get some fresh air (even if it's just walking to your street corner in the early days!).
And celebrate the small wins, like when the baby sleeps in that little bit longer and you get breakfast to yourself or you get an uninterrupted shower!
4. You will love and hate your new body
The human body is well and truly amazing in what it is able to do and it is hard to have an appreciation for it before going through childbirth and watching those changes in yourself (well for me anyway). Your body has literally created life and you will forever love it for that but you may not love how it looks and that is okay.
Your body will not look the same as before you were pregnant, you will have some loose skin, maybe some stretch marks and some extra weight. But it is the body that you're now in and it deserves all of your love for what it has just done.
Be easy on yourself.
5. Let your partner struggle but be ready to offer assistance
It's important to instil confidence and independence in your partner when they are caring for the baby so they know that they are doing a good job but also so they can appreciate how challenging a baby can be when you're on your own during the day.
Aidan said to me last night that it wasn't until I left him alone with Felix for the first time that he truly understood what it was like, and that was only for 30 minutes!
I think it's also important to still be on the sidelines ready to offer assistance if it's needing because the reality is that as the primary career, you will know your babies cues best and have tried and tested every possible settling technique there is.
Plus, some easy little baby tips that I've also discovered along the way;
1. Wind relief
Bicycle legs are a mums best friend when it comes to relieving wind and passing trapped gas! I also learnt very quickly that Felix develops a blue ring around his mouth when he has wind, so I burp/ fart him until the ring disappears.
2. Hunger and hydration indicator
Run your finger gently over the babies soft spot on their head, if it feels sunken in then the baby is ready for a feed or needing some hydration.
3. Nappy hack
I always get the clean nappy ready to put on him whilst he still has his current nappy on (lay the clean nappy under his but whilst he is still wearing the dirty nappy). This way, if he is to do a surprise wee or poo whilst I'm changing him, it will on soil the nappy underneath instead of whatever I'm changing him on.
Then, all you have to do is remove the dirty nappy and do up the clean one - especially helpful with boys because they can pee in any direction, so you need to be quick and swift!
4. Breastmilk is good for EVERYTHING
Honestly, breastmilk is not just for feeding babies! I use leftover milk in his baths, on his skin if he has any little baby pimples, it's good for cradle cap, nappy rash and everything in between!
It's also very useful to rub the milk back into your nipples if they are dry or cracking from feeding.
5. Relaxing the baby
Felix loves (most of the time) a little baby massage after his baths/ shower when I am moisturising his skin. I keep him wrapped up in the towel and uncover a limb at a time and rub the moisturiser in, this way he keeps warm and doesn't fuss around.
He also loves when someone is running a finger down the length of his nose, rubbing his cheek or running their fingers through his hair in a circular motion whilst he is trying to drift off to sleep. I also rest my cheek against his head to soothe him as babies find the skin on skin connection comforting.
Keep in mind, every baby is different and what may work for one won't work for another. All you can do is try different techniques until you find what works for you and your baby!
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