Felix is now 12 weeks old and our lives are very much settled into the 'new normal' (with the exception of a global pandemic). I've gotten better at balancing Felix's needs with my own and getting more confident in my new role as a mother as the days progress.
But, I'm not just a mother - I'm also a partner (amongst other things) and it recently dawned on me that I've been slack in my role as a partner. Not just since giving birth, not even whilst I was pregnant but before all of that.
I got comfortable (You would hope after 5 years together that I was comfortable) and that led me to get complacent and lazy. It wasn't fair on Aidan, our relationship or myself.
I had this little realisation about a month ago, around the same time that I realised that to be the best mother I can be to Felix, I need to discover the best version of me for myself.
So, I've been making more of an effort - for me! I figure that Aidan and Felix can just reap the rewards of me looking after and putting myself first.
I've been paying more attention to what I am putting in my body to ensure that I am fuelling my body correctly and so that Felix is being provided with all of the nutrients he needs. I have attempted every single diet under the sun and for the most part of my life yo-yoed with my weight (each time getting a little heavier) but this time feels different because I have a newfound motivation - I want Felix to be proud to call me his mum, I want Felix to have a healthy association with food and I want to be a good role model for him.
I am also more realistic with myself this time around, I still let myself eat takeaway once a week, if I want a treat then I will have a treat. I've stopped seeing food as 'good' and 'bad' and realised that eating something does not warrant punishing myself with guilt or forced exercise.
I've also been making a real effort to get out and be active with Felix and again modelling good, healthy behaviour for him as he grows. I also want to be able to get out and run around with him at the park and be able to keep up and not get puffed, I want to be able to enjoy his childhood rather than just watching from the sidelines.
Felix and I on a walk in one of our favourite parks
I've been focusing on my skincare and trying to fade the stretch marks that I got during pregnancy (some of the worst my midwife had seen apparently). Again, I'm doing this for myself to feel like 'me' again.
I've been focusing on my dental hygiene and brushing my hair each day (it's the little things).
I think that it is so each to lose yourself in a relationship, especially a long term one as it happens over such a long period of time that you don't even realise that it's happening. I also think that it's only an issue if you're unhappy with who you've become in that time and if you want to change you need to do it for you and for the right reasons.
If Aidan ever told me that I needed to eat healthier, lose weight, exercise more, etc. You better believe that the only thing that I would want to do that day is to eat an entire cake (the more calories, the better) and not exercise for a year just out of protest.
And remember, you can't pour from an empty cup!
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