Felix has recently started gaining interest in toys
Covid-19/ Coronavirus - the buzz words for 2020 that no one wanted or asked for.
We are now almost a week into Stage 3 lockdown in Regional Victoria (for the second time) and it is a rollercoaster of emotions.
When I first heard that we were reverting back to lockdown I was just sad and heartbroken. For myself, my family, my friends and all new mums in my position.
It is not the maternity leave I had planned or envisaged for myself and I feel robbed of so many experiences that new parents look forward to.
The reality also set in that Felix will be almost four months old before there is even the prospect of our family and friends (especially those in Stage 4 restrictions) seeing Felix again.
Then, came the feeling of guilt. What the heck am I doing mourning missed experiences when people are mourning the death of loved ones and not even able to attend funerals or grieve with their family and friends. SO many people have it SO much worse.
But then I reminded myself that just because people have it worse, it doesn't mean that my feelings aren't valid.
Felix and I having a late-night snuggle
For now, I am just trying to find the silver lining amongst all of this madness and remind myself that it won't last forever.
I am taking this opportunity to establish a routine with Felix whilst we aren't able to get out and about and there aren't any routine disruptions.
I have been really dedicated to my exercise lately and whilst I'm not able to attend gym classes anymore, I am more motivated to get out and go for a walk each day just to change things up and get out of the house. I've also been trying to eat healthier and not give into buying take away. Aidan and I ordered takeaway on Friday night and this was the first time I'd eaten it in over a fortnight (a massive accomplishment for anyone that knows my love for takeout and crappy food) and it upset Felix's tummy. So now, I'm even more motivated to just stick to my home-cooked meals.
I am saving money (kind of). There is nothing that we are able to spend our money on other than food, bills and online shopping. I currently have about 5 packages en route to my house BUT once they arrive I don't need anything else and our only expenses will be food and bills. Aidan and I are also in the middle of finalising a very exciting purchase (more on that in the future) so it has been nice to not be tempted with frivolous spending.
Lockdown is definitely not all butterflies and rainbows though!
On a day where Felix is unsettled and not playing the game, the days feel like they are never going to end! And knowing that I can't invite anyone around or get out of the house to break up a long crappy day just makes motherhood that bit more isolating.
I have so many friends that are either expecting or recently just had babies of their own and to not be able to catch up and share experiences with them is also difficult.
I've only ever known Mothers Group and Baby Playgroup to be via a Zoom meeting, 95% of our Maternal Child Health appointments have been via telehealth and support has to be actively sought out.
As I said, it's an emotional rollercoaster.
For the most part, I just revert back to 'ignorance is bliss' and try not to give it much thought but sometimes it's inevitable for those feelings to creep back in.
I hope you are also coping in these uncertain times!
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